Some of these teams still think they have a chance. That's cute.
As the fight for playoff seeding heats up, so does the not-so-elegant race to the bottom.
With four weeks remaining in the 2024 regular season, there isn't much any of these teams can do to surprise us.
Here is where the league stands after Week 14:
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32. New York Giants (Last week: 32)
Record: 2-11
Not worth my time. Not worth your time. Next.
31. Las Vegas Raiders (Last week: 30)
Record: 2-11
There's a Raiders fan somewhere starting their own version of the Browns quarterback list jersey. It's getting quite long after these last two seasons. Stay the course, lose games and select a new one in the spring.
30. Jacksonville Jaguars (Last week: 31)
Record: 3-10
This was not a game you wanted to win against another bottom-feeder. Mac Jones did everything in his power to lose, but the Jacksonville defense chose the wrong time to show up.
29. Tennessee Titans (Last week: 28)
Record: 3-10
Going up against a defense as terrible as Jacksonville's and scoring just six points takes skill. A truly impressive, but gross, dedication to the tank.
28. New England Patriots (Last week: 29)
Record: 3-10 (Bye week)
If there are two words that describe the 2024 Patriots, it's "ethical tanking." When you give it your best, but it's just not enough. Respectable.
27. Cleveland Browns (Last week: 26)
Record: 3-10
When Jameis Winston said he was "praying for the Lord to deliver me from pick-sixes," he wasn't talking about interceptions in general. Those he will never be able to escape.
26. New York Jets (Last week: 25)
Record: 3-10
The last time the Jets made the playoffs (2010), Aaron Rodgers won his one and only Super Bowl the following year. Now fast forward 13 years, and misery still loves company.
25. Carolina Panthers (Last week: 27)
Record: 3-10
Another impressive showing for Bryce Young and Carolina against an elite team. That Xavier Legette drop might have stung, but it will help the draft positioning.
24. Chicago Bears (Last week: 23)
Record: 4-9
I do think Caleb Williams can be the guy. I really do. But this season is shaping up to be a big disappointment. The organization needs to do some soul-searching in the offseason.
23. New Orleans Saints (Last week: 24)
Record: 5-8
You can get away with one more year of Derek Carr as a bridge quarterback. Max. But it's time to start looking toward the draft because it's long overdue. Anyone with value, of which there aren't many, should be traded in the offseason.
22. Dallas Cowboys (Last week: 22)
Record: 5-8
With Rico Dowdle running wild, Cooper Rush and this offense should be able to hang around in most games. Their defense, however, won't.
21. Cincinnati Bengals (Last week: 21)
Record: 5-8
The Joe Burrow-Ja'Marr Chase connection is the best in football, and it's not particularly close. Cincy's very faint playoff hopes are alive.
20. Indianapolis Colts (Last week: 18)
Record: 6-7 (Bye week)
Anthony Richardson is a loose canon, which makes every game a coin flip. He will throw you in or out of a game in an instant. He has played a little better since the early season benching, though.
19. Arizona Cardinals (Last week: 17)
Record: 6-7
There's an uncomfortable Kyler Murray conversation that awaits them in the offseason. He's just not what he used to be, and I'm not sure what the answer is.
18. Atlanta Falcons (Last week: 16)
Record: 6-7
Kirk Cousins has thrown zero touchdowns and eight interceptions in his last four games. Atlanta now trails in the division and it probably will stay that way for the remainder of the season.
17. Miami Dolphins (Last week: 20)
Record: 6-7
Just because Tua Tagovailoa can do it all with his arm, doesn't mean he should. A run game would be nice. A big win for a team that simply can't afford to lose.
16. San Francisco 49ers (Last week: 19)
Record: 6-7
After two weeks of utter humiliation and despair, this had 49ers blowout win written all over it. Seriously. This outcome was very predictable. There's too much pride within the organization, they had to take their anger out on someone. This has a 9-8 finish written all over it.
15. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Last week: 15)
Record: 7-6
They've officially leapfrogged the spiraling Falcons and can enjoy an easy path to the division title. That is, if they don't stumble. The suddenly frisky Panthers have a chance to do the funniest thing in Week 17.
14. Los Angeles Rams (Last week: 14)
Record: 7-6
Well, that's certainly a statement win. There now are two serious teams in the NFC West. Kyren Williams continues to be a touchdown machine, even if he's not running as well.
13. Denver Broncos (Last week: 12)
Record: 8-5 (Bye week)
Bo Nix is having fun out there, and we're having fun watching him. It sure looks like he's poised to lead Denver back to the playoffs.
12. Washington Commanders (Last week: 11)
Record: 8-5 (Bye week)
If the season ended today, Jayden Daniels and the 'Manders would be in the playoffs. We should learn a lot about what the rookie is made of down the stretch.
11. Seattle Seahawks (Last week: 13)
Record: 8-5
The future is here with Zach Charbonnet and Jaxson Smith-Njigba leading the way. This team is nothing special, but it appears they will be hosting a playoff game. The division is theirs to lose.
10. Los Angeles Chargers (Last week: 9)
Record: 8-5
I'm going to keep beating the "Justin Herbert doesn't have the weapons" drum every time they lose because it might be the only reason they aren't a legitimate championship contender in my eyes. The only one. They're that good everywhere else, except they have one major flaw.
9. Houston Texans (Last week: 10)
Record: 8-5 (Bye week)
Hopefully C.J. Stroud and his weapons can use the bye week to get on the same page, because this hasn't been the Texans offense we envisioned in Year 2.
8. Baltimore Ravens (Last week: 8)
Record: 8-5 (Bye week)
Baltimore historically hasn't had to worry much about its defense or its kicker in recent years, but that's not the case this season. Surely neither will hurt them down the stretch ... right?
7. Green Bay Packers (Last week: 6)
Record: 9-4
A very tough loss, but against the league's best, a loss they can feel good about. They were never winning the division anyway.
6. Pittsburgh Steelers (Last week: 7)
Record: 10-3
Russell Wilson is a winner. Put him in a winning situation, and that's exactly what he will do. Even if it's not always pretty.
5. Buffalo Bills (Last week: 3)
Record: 10-3
Josh Allen had SIX total touchdowns, but the defense was absolutely atrocious. Can you blame them? They're outdoor cats, not indoor cats.
4. Minnesota Vikings (Last week: 5)
Record: 11-2
The greatest game of Sam Darnold's NFL career came in Week 14 of the 2024 season, where his team is fighting for the conference's top seed. Imagine telling someone that two years ago.
3. Philadelphia Eagles (Last week: 4)
Record: 11-2
A very Chiefs-esque win over Carolina, but another win nonetheless. There is a path to the No. 1 seed, but they will need some help.
2. Kansas City Chiefs (Last week: 2)
Record: 12-1
Congrats on another close win, I guess. It turns out they can keep getting away with it. I have a feeling their witchcraft could end in the playoffs.
1. Detroit Lions (Last week: 1)
Record: 12-1
OK, we get it. You're the best team in football. They control their own destiny for the top seed, but it won't come easy. Key matchups against the Bills, Bears, 49ers and Vikings remain. They can't afford to let up now.
