“SNL” Premiere Breaks Bad With Obamacare

If you've been confused about how the Affordable Care Act works, the presidential press conference that opened the season premiere of "Saturday Night Live" at least attempted to quell those concerns.

"Polls show that many are confused by the details of the law," Obama (Jay Pharoah) said. "Some have criticized me for not explaining it better. So today I've asked some regular Americans how the Affordable Care Act will change your lives for the better."

But the commander in chief wasn't helped by his "success stories."

"Let me say that I am so psyched for Obamacare," said Jennifer Osborne (Aidy Bryant). "Now that I have free healthcare, I can get sick all the time. Obamacare y'all."

"That's not how it really works," Obama retorted.

"I stopped washing my hands, I'm licking hella subway poles. Thanks Mr. President."

Obama then tried to explain that children would be covered under Obamacare until they were 26, but a success story turned out to be an angry father (Bobby Moynihan) who touted his support of Chris Christie for president in 2016.

Republican Texas Sen. Ted Cruz (Taran Killam) then tried to filibuster his way into the press conference, but was dragged away by authorities.

"Horton may hear a who, but the only thing I'm hearing is socialism," said Cruz.

Obama’s last speaker was a New Mexico-native named "Jesse” ("Breaking Bad's" Aaron Paul), who told his story about a friend who was diagnosed with cancer. Unable to pay for healthcare, he got "backed into a corner" and "did what anyone else would do." He started cooking meth. That's when things broke bad.

"Soon it wasn't just meth, it was murder," Jesse said. " And not just regular murder, like he blew half a guy's face off."

"OK, I think we can probably wrap this up," Obama interjected.

"Wait, don't you want to know what happened to my friend?" Paul asked, before a quick "No" from Obama and the rest of the people in attendance, in a nod to Sunday's highly anticipated "Breaking Bad" series finale.  

After the opener, "SNL's" new cast members got thrown into the fire by former cast member and guest host, Tina Fey.

Fey's opening monologue started with her reminiscing about her nine years on the show, but she soon forced the "SNL" newbies, Beck Bennett, John Milhiser, Kyle Mooney, Mike O'Brien, Noel Wells and Brooks Wheelan, to dance, in their shorts.

"Do you really want to make it? Then let me see you shake it," Fey said.

Without fail, the fresh faces gyrated their bodies on stage, while Fey offered some valuable critiques.

"I hope you do a lot of impressions," Fey said as Bennett was forced to "crotch."

The hazing of new cast members continued in another segment, a game show-themed skit, "New Cast Member or Arcade Fire." Fey, alongside "host" Kenan Thompson, were forced to pick who was a new cast member of the show or a part of Arcade Fire, this week's musical guest.

"The guy in the glasses has a real deer in the head lights look," Fey said about new cast member Kyle Mooney. "He's already sweat through his ironic 'Boston Legal' T-shirt."

Even "SNL" producer Lorne Michaels had problems identifying the new cast member later in the segment.

"Is it the black guy?," Michaels said, thinking Thompson, an 11-year veteran of the show, was the new cast member.

The first Weekend Update of the new season with Seth Meyers and new co-host Cecily Strong focused on the possible government shutdown and developing relationship between the U.S. and Iran.

Meyers first tackled Republican Texas Sen. Ted Cruz's 21-hour talk-a-thon this week that protested funding for continued health care reform.

"Over the course of the speech he read from Dr. Seuss' 'Green Eggs and Ham,' did an impression of Darth Vader and admitted his love of White Castle," said Meyers. "I'm not sure what Cruz's speech was arguing for, but I'm guessing legalizing weed."

Meyers continued his critique of Senate Republicans tactics this week to defund President Barack Obama's signature health care law.

"Cause you know the old saying," Meyers said. "If you can't beat them, kick the ball into the woods."

Strong discussed new Iranian President Hassan Rouhani's acknowledgment of the Holocaust earlier this week that showed a break in ideology from his predecessor ‪Mahmoud Ahmadinejad‬.

"Which I believe is the very definition of the least you could do," said Strong.

Strong then went on to thank some of the former female "Weekend Update" anchors before she was joined by Fey, who gave her some pointers.

"Keep your head down, you do your time," said Fey. "Your first day, you walk over to the biggest guy in the yard and you punch him in the mouth. Don't mess with Texas. Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars. Believe in your nightmares."

The last part of the segment featured Drunk Uncle (Bobby Moynihan), who eventually ranted about the final episode of "Breaking Bad," which he said he was going to have to watch with his nephew. Soon enough, Drunk Uncle's nephew, "Meth Nephew" ("Breaking Bad's" Aaron Paul) joined the show. The two ranted some more and sang a meth-induced version of Whitney Houston's "Dance With Somebody."

Paul also appeared in another sketch that promoted an electronic meth-smoking device.

Arcade Fire, this week's musical guest, performed "Reflecktor," “Here Comes the Night Time” and "After Life."