College move-in day is an emotional roller coaster ride for incoming freshman — and their parents.
North Carolina mom Lori Miggins knows the feeling well. She recently dropped off her daughter Taylor, 18, at Appalachian State University. Only Lori didn’t get in her car and drive away after the last box was unpacked. Instead, she spent the night in Taylor’s dorm room.
“I wanted her to sleep over,” Taylor tells TODAY.com. “We’re just so close and I didn’t want to be alone.”
Taylor, who came to campus early for cheerleading practice, notes that her roommate wasn’t due to arrive until the following week.
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"Having my mom there helped my anxiety so much," she says.
“She’s my firstborn, so the last few months have been really hard, you know, picturing life without Taylor in the house,” Lori, an online health and wellness coach, tells TODAY. “There’s a fear of the unknown.”
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According to Lori, 48, spending that additional time together made saying goodbye less painful. Though both were in tears, she left knowing that Taylor was going to be OK.
“I was able to get her acclimated,” Lori says. "We hung out with all of her friends, we met the RA, we ate in the dining hall together."
It was the right decision for Lori and Taylor. The internet, however, had thoughts. After Lori shared footage on Instagram of their dorm room slumber party, she was flooded with comments.
“Absolutely not. First, this just gives me the ick. Second, I love my daughters and missed them like crazy when I dropped them off at college, but their first night at college is to meet new friends and start living independently. You gave them roots, now give them wings,” one person wrote.
Other reactions included:
- “This is the best. I wish my Momma could have!”
- “No don’t do this. You did your job it’s time for the little chick to find her wings.”
- “I think this is actually beautiful. It’s one night. It’s a core memory. They’re blessed to have this together.”
- “That’s setting them up for failure.”
- “This is gross and weird. Have some boundaries. Say goodbye to your kid and go cry in the car like everyone else. Let them live their lives. That’s what you brought them up to do.”
- “Reminds me of ‘Gilmore Girls’ where Rory had Lorelei spend the night with her on her first night of college.”
- “I’ve worked in every level of college and university admissions and advising. I can tell you that this is a terrible idea.”
Laurie Kramer, a professor of applied psychology at Northeastern University, says that conversations about move-in day should begin during a child’s senior year high of school.
“It’s a long-term transition, and families need to be talking about the kinds of changes that this next chapter is going to bring,” Kramer tells TODAY. “That way, when you make the physical move, it’s more of a celebration. It’s what you’ve been planning for. And remember this is a shift in your relationship — not the end of your relationship."
Lori says that Taylor is settling into life at college and knows her way around.
“She’s so happy and I’m so happy for her,” Lori shares.
Of course, it takes some freshman a little longer to adjust to a new and challenging situation.
“Not all kids get there and thrive immediately,” Kramer explains. “Finding friends and figuring out where things are on campus — that takes time. Don’t panic. Your job is to help support their ability to cope.”
“You cannot be calling their RA or professors to find out how things are going,” she continues. “You’re at the stage of life where you’re preparing them for adulthood.”
This story first appeared on TODAY.com. More from TODAY:
