It’s the time of year when bringing the family together is important.
For the past three years for Debbie Zane, that’s meant a visit that’s included a visit to a cemetery — a bittersweet tradition.
“It’s a way of connecting with him,” she said. “It’s a way that I spend all holidays and special times.”
The cemetery is adorned for the season as loved ones rest beneath these quiet rolling hills. It’s a place of quiet contemplation for some. For Zane, a place to commune with her son, Alex, who she lost to mental illness and drug addiction.
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“He was 26 years old when he passed, and it was after a ten-year battle he had with serious mental illness and addiction,” Zane said. “He didn’t have the easiest time his last ten years.”
He died in January of 2022, just after the family’s last Christmas together.
Alex appeared to be on the road to recovery, but it was a road fraught with wrong turns and a road those who loved him found themselves travelling as well.
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“When you love somebody, you love them with all their heart, you want their happiness, you want their safety, you want their wellbeing, and when you're dealing with mental illness and addiction, there’s so much uncertainty there,” Zane said.
She’s sharing her story with anyone for whom the holiday cheer is tainted with concern for a troubled loved one or by that empty chair at the dinner table.
“So many times they feel alone and they feel like what they’re going through that they're the only ones,” Zane said. “It can be a lonely road.”
Her path was eased some by taking time for herself, embracing the season while remembering her son.
“We are starting a new tradition,” she said. “We have a stocking for Alex, and we’re all going to write little letters to Alex and put them in the stocking.”
On the other hand, celebrations were sometimes avoided, especially early into the grieving.
For Zane, writing a book --- "Finding Peace and Purpose Amidst the Tears" --- was a cathartic and giving way to honor Alex while hopefully helping others.
News4 is committed to changing minds about mental health and providing education, information and hope. We've compiled information and resources at nbcwashington.com/changingminds.
