Let’s face it: Some parents of adult children have a hard time letting go. But how much involvement is too much?
Is going on a job interview with your adult kid a good idea? When does giving your kid money create dependence and even endanger your own financial future?
News4 dug in and talked with experts.
How to get your adult kid’s resume thrown in the trash
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Parents want nothing but the best for their adult kids. But would you actually join them on a job interview? Surprisingly, about a quarter of parents said in a survey that they do.
Parents should definitely have some involvement in the job-seeking process, but “that involvement is very specific,” said Andrew McCaskill, a career expert at LinkedIn.
Consumer
McCaskill said he’s heard horror stories from recruiters about parents’ overinvolvement in their kids’ job searches.
A survey by Resume Templates found that 70% of Gen Z adults age 18 to 27 asked their parents for help in the job-search process.
So, should parents help with resumes? McCaskill said it’s OK to give feedback and edit your adult kid’s resume.
Should parents submit their kids' job application themselves? McCaskill said that’s a big red flag. You can help your child identity scams and potential jobs, but don’t apply for them on their behalf.
Actually going on an interview with your child is worst of all, McCaskill said.
“No recruiter is going to take a candidate seriously if their parent is participating in the interview in any way, shape or form,” he said.
Don’t think about following up with a recruiter on your kid’s behalf either.
“A recruiter will never tell you that they’re gonna throw your resume in the trash if your parent calls them, but a recruiter’s gonna throw your resume in the trash if your parent calls them,” McCaskill said.
‘There are no loans for retirement’
We all want our kids to succeed. What’s so wrong with slipping them some money from time to time? Plenty, if we ever want to retire, one expert told News4.
A survey by Savings.com found that 47% of parents with an adult child age 18 and older support their child financially with an average of $1,400 per month.
How do you know when you’re doing too much?
“When it’s starting to create financial insecurity for a parent, they very well may be doing too much,” said Elizabeth Ayoola of NerdWallet.
Reasons why parents give their adult kids money include helping them reach major milestones such as graduation, marriage and buying a home. Giving money to your kids is generous, but Ayoola said you need to ask yourself two big questions:
- Is this putting my retirement in jeopardy?
- Will I have enough to live on?
“While it is noble to help your kids and you love your kids, there are no loans for retirement. If you don’t have enough saved, that could mean you are facing financial insecurity during your golden years,” Ayoola said.
She shared these tips for weaning your adult kids off financial support from you.
Talking with your adult kids about money can be uncomfortable, but they need to learn how to budget.
News4 parents weigh in
If you’re a parent or caregiver struggling with these issues, News4 reporters and anchors are right there with you. News4’s Molette Green, Susan Hogan, Ted Oberg and Darcy Spencer said at a News4 Parents roundtable discussion that they’re each considering whether they’re guilty of overparenting.
Green said she recently got her daughter a car and found her a job. She just finished her freshman year of college.
“On Monday we went and got her a job. Well, I did. I lined it up. I knew the owner of the clothing boutique,” she said.
“I worry that I overparent and under-listen,” Oberg said.
Hogan zoomed in on why she sometimes does too much and the effect it has.
“I overparent because I still love that need. I still love that my kids need me, and I give in. And I think at that point, I’m not really doing anyone a service,” she said.
