5 tips to relinquish control and focus on what really matters: ‘Commit to observing,' Zen Buddhist monk says

Accepting that most things are out of our control can be tough, but there's freedom and peace in letting go, Shunmyo Masuno says.

Masuno is a Zen Buddhist monk and recently published a new book titled, "How to Let Things Go," in which he explains how to release the things you can't control and shift your attention to the things you can.

"There are many things in this world that we cannot control," Masuno wrote. "Instead of allowing them to consume our mind and our energy, it's better to devote our efforts to what we can achieve in the moment."

Here are five takeaways from Masuno's 99 tips for releasing control.

5 ways to relinquish control and focus on what matters

1. Aim to be more detached in relationships

Keep in mind that there is a very fine line between being attentive and being meddlesome, Masuno wrote. Sometimes the best thing you can do when someone you care about is worried is to just listen and not offer any advice unless they ask you for it.

Remember that it is impossible to change others, and it's much more worthwhile to work on what you'd like to change within yourself, he noted. "...when you change, there's always a chance that others' behavior may ease up and move things along as well."

It's a much better practice to "commit to observing, not intervening" in your personal relationships. While it may be difficult, Masuno also encourages you to apply this practice to your children, too, as long as they're not in danger. "Your intentions may be good, but better to have patience."

2. Try not to worry about every little thing

Sometimes it's in your best interest to be more skilled at forgetting, Masuno wrote. "According to one theory, the ability to forget is an instinct for self-preservation."

As you allow yourself to forget about trivial things, it's also important to expect, and prepare yourself for, disappointments. "Don't be surprised by broken promises. Learn to manage your expectations. You'll be less likely to lose your composure," he wrote.

In these situations, it can help to reflect on yourself first and "before you criticize someone for selfishness, consider your own" level of selfishness.

3. Be mindful of your reactions

Discerning when and how often you should seek out new information is a vital skill for peace. "Don't leave your eyes and ears open all the time," Masuno wrote.

Not setting boundaries on the frequency in which you receive information doesn't factor in that "all too often, its accuracy is dubious, it's of little importance to you, and it heightens your anxiety."

And when you are responding to something that does require your attention, pause before sending a reply. This is especially important when receiving tough news or having conversations that can lead to negative feelings.

4. Avoid wasting your energy

How are you spending your time and using your energy? If your life seems mundane, try to make a small change every day, whether it's the foods you eat or the way you approach your duties at work.

Try to immerse yourself in the present moment as often as you can because "all we have is right now." Failures and successes become a thing of the past the very moment after they occur.

John F. Kennedy once said, "Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future."

5. Remember that not everything is black or white

Nothing is inherently good or bad; it all boils down to your perspective. For this reason, you should look at every choice you make as the decision you were meant to make.

"If you'll eventually get to where you need to be no matter which option you choose, then all that matters is that you do your best with the choice you've made," Masuno wrote.

Regretting the choices you, or others make, won't change them. "All we can do is concentrate on what demands our attention right now in order to turn our failures into opportunities for growth and to prevent our fears from becoming reality."

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