Originally appeared on E! Online
Crystal Hefner is turning over a new page in her life story.
The former Playboy model has plans to drop her late husband Hugh Hefner's last name more than six years after his death. By reverting to her maiden name, Crystal Hefner feels she will finally get closure on what she described as a "traumatic" relationship with the magazine magnate, who she said was often controlling of her appearance during their relationship.
"I completely changed everything about myself," Crystal Hefner told E! News' Francesca Amiker in exclusive interview. "Beauty is subjective. There's all types of beauty, but I just stuck to what Hugh Hefner saw as beautiful and just completely lost myself trying to live up to his standards of beauty."
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And that included taking his last name shortly after their 2012 wedding. As Crystal Hefner recalled, "When we got married, Hugh's press secretary immediately changed my name for me. It all happened so fast and I tried to settle into it."
But now that she's regained her own voice through therapy, the 37-year-old said the "next step is definitely going back to my original last name and finally taking that last step to just be myself."
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"I'm in a much better place," Crystal Hefner noted. "I feel that I will always be a work in progress, but I feel that I finally have true freedom."
In fact, writing her new book "Only Say Good Things: Surviving Playboy and Finding Myself" played a vital role in her healing journey. While detailing her time in Playboy Mansion, Crystal Hefner was able to see all the red flags she had missed.
"It was emotionally abusive," she said of her nearly five-year marriage with Hugh Hefner, who died in 2017 at the age of 91. "It was very restrictive. I didn't realize how bad it was until I was away from it for a while."
Looking back, Crystal Hefner recognized that she "didn't have much" for love for herself during that time, leading her to constantly seek approval from Hugh Hefner even though she was admittedly "never truly in love with him."
"When I was at the mansion, I didn't know who I was," Crystal Hefner added. "When you don't know who you are, that could be dictated to you by somebody else and if that's given to you by someone else, it could also be taken away. So, it's very important for you to have your own power."
